Hatred

ever since the first time i watched 'the little drummer boy' clay-mation christmas movie when i was a kid, i have rarely used the word 'hate.'

what i mean is...the narrator in the little drummer says how the little drummer boy's parents died, and that caused the little drummer boy's heart to fill with hatred which made him hard inside. i remember thinking as a kid i would never let my heart be hateful, only loving because that was what God intended us to use our hearts for. from then on, if i 'hated' something, i used the word 'dislike.'

well, i have finally met my match - i hate something with all my heart because it is so painful and unnecessary. what is it? CHEATING! and not as in 'i hate people who cheat on tests,' but as in 'i hate people who cheat in relationships.' it's easy, just be a man, and break up with the person you are in a relationship with if you want someone/thing more. don't be selfish and greedy and think you can have both. you can't. i DISLIKE that my heart has a sliver of HATE in it now. but hard as i try to push it out, i can't. the hatred is like a splinter stuck deep in heart. i guess i will just have to live with it.

My butt is falling asleep

“ I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, ‘If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.’ — ~ Kurt Vonnegut

This morning I am happy. I am tired, bleary eyed, and even have a swollen eye from lactose, but I am happy. I woke up early, went to the store to buy Almond Milk, had my Heart-to-Heart cereal, coffee, did a little necessary schoolwork, and am now looking forward to going to see HUBBLE at the imax with sissy today! Leonardo is the narrator, and it is going to be wonderfully interesting and educational! I love the cosmos.

This weekend is going to be wonderful, too. I have it off, and am going to spend it with my parents - back home on our farm. Hello goats, chickens, little Scout, and big Boo! :)

Oh! And I am not going to take today for granted! NO! I am grateful for life. Last night I braved a fear of looking ridiculous and silly, and plunged on through to be brave and make a statement. It went unnoticed, and unanswered, but I am happier and stronger for making it. Life is wonderful and short. I will not be held in bondage by limits. Everyday is a blessing, and if I want to do something I will do it. We are essentially all skeletons, so LIVE and LOVE!!!!!!!!!!

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I set it in my mind to be happy today, BUT if there were a boy I loved crawling through my window, I could be a little bit happier!